metamour: meaning, definition, pronunciation and examples
Very low / SpecialistInformal / Technical (within polyamory communities)
Quick answer
What does “metamour” mean?
The partner of one's partner, where one is not romantically or sexually involved with that partner (used in polyamorous relationships).
Audio
Pronunciation
Definition
Meaning and Definition
The partner of one's partner, where one is not romantically or sexually involved with that partner (used in polyamorous relationships).
A person connected to you through a shared partner in an ethical non-monogamous relationship structure. The term implies no direct romantic or sexual relationship between the two individuals, only the connection via the shared partner (sometimes called the "hinge").
Dialectal Variation
British vs American Usage
Differences
No significant national variation in meaning or usage. The term originates from and is used almost exclusively within English-speaking polyamory communities globally.
Connotations
Neutral to positive within its specific community; denotes ethical structure and awareness. Outside the community, it is largely unknown and may carry connotations associated with non-traditional relationships.
Frequency
Extremely rare in general corpora. Usage is confined to discussions of polyamory, relationship anarchy, and ethical non-monogamy. No discernible frequency difference between UK and US within these niches.
Grammar
How to Use “metamour” in a Sentence
[Person A] is [Person B]'s metamour.[Person A] and [Person B] are metamours through their shared partner, [Person C].Vocabulary
Collocations
Examples
Examples of “metamour” in a Sentence
adjective
British English
- Metamour relationships require good communication.
- We're in a metamour dynamic.
American English
- Metamour relationships require good communication.
- We're in a metamour dynamic.
Usage
Meaning in Context
Business
Not used.
Academic
Rarely used, possibly in sociology, psychology, or gender studies papers on non-traditional relationship structures.
Everyday
Virtually unused in general everyday conversation. Exclusively used within communities practicing or discussing ethical non-monogamy.
Technical
A technical term within the lexicon of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy, used to describe a specific relational node.
Vocabulary
Synonyms of “metamour”
Neutral
Weak
Vocabulary
Antonyms of “metamour”
Watch out
Common Mistakes When Using “metamour”
- Using it to refer to one's own direct partner. Incorrect: 'My girlfriend is my metamour.' Correct: 'My girlfriend's other boyfriend is my metamour.'
- Confusing it with 'paramour' (a secret lover, often implying infidelity).
FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
Not exactly. A co-spouse implies marriage and often a direct legal/social relationship (e.g., in some polygamous cultures). A metamour specifically denotes two people who are not in a direct couple relationship but share a partner.
No. Styles vary from 'Kitchen Table Polyamory' (metamours are friendly and can socialise) to 'Parallel Polyamory' (metamours have little to no direct interaction). The requirement is mutual respect and ethical behaviour, not friendship.
Yes. If your partner has multiple other partners, each of them is your metamour. You are a 'hinge' in their metamour network with each other.
A 'paramour' (from French 'par amour' = 'by love') traditionally means a lover, especially a secret or illicit one. A 'metamour' is a modern, community-coined term for the partner of your partner in an ethically disclosed, consensual non-monogamous relationship.
The partner of one's partner, where one is not romantically or sexually involved with that partner (used in polyamorous relationships).
Metamour is usually informal / technical (within polyamory communities) in register.
Metamour: in British English it is pronounced /ˈmɛt.ə.mʊə/, and in American English it is pronounced /ˈmɛɾ.ə.mʊr/ or /ˈmɛt.ə.mɔr/. Tap the audio buttons above to hear it.
Phrases
Idioms & Phrases
- “Kitchen Table Polyamory (a style where metamours are comfortable sitting at a kitchen table together)”
- “Parallel Polyamory (a style where metamours have little to no direct interaction)”
Learning
Memory Aids
Mnemonic
Think: META (beyond) + AMOUR (love) = the love that is 'beyond' you, connected through your partner.
Conceptual Metaphor
RELATIONSHIPS ARE NETWORKS / WEB. A metamour is another node in the network, connected not directly to you, but through a shared hub (your partner).
Practice
Quiz
What is the core semantic component of a 'metamour' relationship?